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Welcome to another episode, and what I can say that this movie did not disappoint, and it is another journey down the rabbit hole of Nicolas Cage, as I, myself, Shawn, and my co host, Kiley, watched the Prisoners of Ghost Island, which is another installment into the mind of Nicolas Cage, and we are both in agreement on that.
So yeah, I mean, we don't even know what this movie was about. Like the premise, uh, if you want to read what the movie was about. Um,
yeah. I mean. So this is what, second emulation. And um, this was a movie that uh, we decided to watch. I mean, the poster looked really cool for the movie. It came out in 2021 and it was directed by Sieon Sona, starring, Nicholas Cajun, I would say Sophia Boutella is the other, the other biggest star, um, that you would know, um, and it's basically, it says the granddaughter of the world's greatest leader is a hostage in the most dangerous place on earth, not only the deadliest man alive can save her, in the treacherous frontier city of Samurai Town, a ruthless bank robber sprung from jail by wealthy warlord, the governor, whose adopted granddaughter, Bernice, has gone missing.
And then it goes on to the rest of it. That's just the gist essentially of how, of what it is about. He's trying to get his, uh, granddaughter or adopted granddaughter returned to him and sends Nicholas Cage to find her.
And mind you, I felt duped because as, uh, Kylie said earlier, the movie poster are. was, you know, alluring like it, it pulled me in.
I was like, Oh, this is going to be a good movie. And, and sad this was my pick for like the next installment of this Nick Clegg Nick Cage journey. And I was like, all right, cool. We're going to watch this because that's like the first draw, like we, if we don't know what the movie is about for Nick Cage, obviously the movie poster is going to give you some like what it's about and the movie poster for this one had this ominous kind of feel, you know, presence, like we assumed it was going to be action and right off the bat, it was sadly the opposite.
Of that. I mean, I guess there was action, but it wasn't really, like, good action, I can't say. It's definitely one of those instances where you should not judge a book by its cover, because the cover was interesting and the book was not. Um. Correct. Did you have any favorite parts? I Before we go into our least favorite parts.
Okay, I would say, I can't really say there were I any favorite parts but I will say, this movie, for Nick Cage acting, for him to actually have some comedy to kinda be a butt of a joke, this would be the movie to have it done. Because, clearly, to have your nut blown off, oh my gosh and, and you know, for him to like, Really with a straight face, act right through it and know that this is the, you're going to be acting, that's the scene and have a prop for it.
I believe that was my, my favorite scene because he sold it and that was it. I think that was my favorite scene. And to set up what that was is that Nick Cage is, mind you he, He's in case, or not really in case, he's set up in this leather suit that's janky as fuck and it has bombs on it, not, not all, not bombs from head to toe, just five bombs that are, you know, placed at precision elbow joints.
And so he has on his hands, on his both hands, both knees, and then both ball areas. And he has five days to get to the, to go get the granddaughter and come back. And apparently these track sunlight. So, if he doesn't make it as each day passes, the explosive, which The leather suit isn't really, it's like loose fitting.
Yeah, it's not exactly fitting. And, it doesn't, I guess the bombs need like, uh, the granddaughter to say her name for it to not explode. They need voice verification. Voice verification, but they're strategically placed on his neck, and on his testicles, and then I think one on his arm or something like that.
Yeah, on his arm. He's in this contraction that looks like something Kevin from Home Alone created, you know, as a, as a way to torture, you know, the, the intruders. So, that's the thing. So, the favorite scene, and once, now that I set that up, the favorite scene is that he's unable to get the voice verification, a day passes, and his nut, the, the bomb goes up that's near his genitals, goes off.
And you would think, you know, this would kill him, like an explosive that close in proximity to his genital area would not only kill the person, he would bleed out and die, but for comic relief, they decide to not only have the explosion, but also have a prop To where they show you that his nut was blown off, but there was a prop for his testicle.
And I'm not sure when Nick Cage wrote, read the script, he was like, okay, I'll do this. I mean, this is probably one of those areas where he was like, man, I owe money. He was in the house like, I, I just got to work. I'm just doing this. He was, we don't know the mind state, the state of mind. That Nick Cage was when he did the film.
It, I mean, was it recent for this
film? This film was two years ago, man. So it was not, it was not that long
ago. . Okay. So it was two years ago. But I mean, he was still taking any type of job, I'm assuming. So he was working, he was hustling. So he read the script and he is, I'm gonna do it .
He said, I'm gonna do it, and I.
I'm honestly shocked that he said he would do it. There's, yeah, I, I honestly thought there could be nothing worse in my life than watching The Knowing, and I think, I've said this thinking it was other ones, but I really think it's, this one was probably the worst movie I've seen. I thought Willy Wonderland might have been the worst, close tied on with Knowing, but this one is pretty bad.
I don't, I didn't understand it. I couldn't pay, stay invested in the movie, like I kept mentally checking out. Storyline didn't really make sense, and then, I guess Nicolas Cage is like over the top, usually, over the top antics would usually be a good play, but in this type of movie, I don't know, it just didn't, it just made it seem very ridiculous.
Yeah, like, the movie itself is like, The whole movie was generally bad like falling apart and not to say like it had anything to do with the actors just the script itself didn't feel strong and so a lot of it depended on the actors to sell it and you could tell they were really pushing, pushing it along and that just Was on display so it made it seem like a very bad movie like it was just it was portrayed very
poorly It was just not it was not done.
Well, I guess I've had to pick a favorite part It's very slim pickings, but I guess it would be it'd be Nicolas Cage yelling testicle. That's probably the only And I could I could really say I guess because so much of it was just It was just not it was not good Um, and some people have said it was supposed to work like a, I guess like an, like an anime almost, or like one of those tales, but it didn't even seem like that either.
It didn't, it didn't really,
and that goes back to like the, the director's done a lot of, done a lot of like films like that. And I feel like the antics of it didn't portray very well, you know? 'cause he's done a lot of like. Japanese films that have that and I felt like maybe if it was done like in Japanese, if I would have done more and got like Japanese actors, but it didn't translate very well.
It was supposed to be like a Samurai Western and it didn't just the translation, it didn't cross over very well. You know the blend of it or whatever he was trying to do. And. You could see it on screen, like the transition. It just, again, a lot of it was just being held together by the actors and it, it was really bad.
Nick Cage. I mean, there weren't really many favorite, favorite scenes. I mean, I guess we can kind of like, you know, segue into like, what were the The bad scenes because there were a lot I mean about this film so I mean you can take your pick of what were a lot of bad scenes in this movie. Oh
gosh a lot of bad scenes there were so many I would say the I can't even remember did it turn out to be a love story this is how badly I repressed this I don't know if it did but Sophia Wutella Wan naming her Bernice That to me, this woman is definitely not a Bernice.
She's fucking, she's like French or something. Her name, her own personal name is nothing like that. She's not, she's not, you know, she's a woman of color. Naming her Bernice just seemed like such a weird, weird start in all of it. Um, because that's not a name I would necessarily put in conjunction with a story like this.
And then I think she was severely underused, and then I think Nicolas Cage was just there for a paycheck, which is fine, but the story didn't make sense, um, the plot didn't make sense, things weren't explained about, you know, certain aspects of the world they were, they were living in, um, so there was no investment in the characters, and then, yeah, I just keep thinking about Nicolas Cage's blown off testicle, like, that's really all I can think about.
He got blown off and then he came back to life like he died and then he came back or whatever
Yeah, like I think the I think The many times that Nick Cage's character had died in this movie and just brushed off death As if it was just nothing, didn't really make sense. In the, in this movie like he was given the task to go find Bernice, like that was his task and bring her back.
But, like he was so one sided goal but that was it, like, he, he, given the tools, he had no tools, he had, you know, it was like It was like the, this was like the jankiest version of the Wizard of Oz because every person he encountered was like, you know, a jank version of, you know, a scarecrow, the Tin Man.
And they were trying to help him on his way to find her to find her. And then apparently a new added element, Bernice couldn't speak, which didn't make any sense because
she had to do voice verification.
Yeah. Like you didn't find out until he somehow found her. She was She was like encased in like a puppet, like statue and she couldn't speak because she was, you know, I guess lost to the people and brainwashed.
And she couldn't do, she couldn't speak because she lost her way. But the whole point of finding her and her being able to speak was to do voice verification. That point. Was likereally fell off. Yeah, fell off. Didn't make any
sense. And then you have like, for some reason they felt like they had to offer a redemption arc for Nicolas Cage So that you find out he's not really a bad guy because his partner in the bank robbery was the one who killed the The hostages or whatever and the child and it wasn't him And he tried to defend the hostages.
Remember at the end? Yeah. You find that out. And I'm like, what was this necessary for the story?
No, that didn't even make any sense. They, they interject another story that's unrelated to the main plot of this movie of like, Hey, just to let you know, Nic Cage's character is not really a bad guy. Just so you know, he, he robbed some people, didn't mean to murder, but the person that was his partner did do the murdering, but Not
him, not Nick Cage, so don't you
worry.
So he, he's redeemable, and then, you know, it was all done in a flashback, and then we meet this person again, who, on a school bus, out of the blue, Who tells us some information that's unrelated to Nick Cage's journey of finding Bernice. Telling him that he needs to prevent a nuclear explosion. I'm like, what?
Like, these monsters are gonna come. and Prevent a Nuclear Explosion. I felt like as, as the movie progressed this onion that this director gave us it just kept peeling back. And it was just this new story that was just added to the movie that wasn't there before. And by the time you got to the end you're like, Okay, What was this that I was actually
watching?
Yeah, that's, I mean, to even to now, I'm like, what the hell did I watch? I still couldn't tell you, um, what happened to it. And I do still think the Sofia Boutella was like severely underused because she's been in other movies where she's a, she's like a trained dancer. So she could do actual action sequences and she's done them very well in the past.
And they just didn't use her in any aspect. Chose to go with Nick Cage only. With a blown off testicle. And I'm like, what? You had these two people in here. You could have had her be something completely different. Like, you could have changed the scope of the story. It could have been that she didn't need saving after all.
Or something of that accord. Make it memorable. We have so many movies that have come out. When it continues to come out, and having something saturate the market that doesn't even make sense or stand out. I can't see it becoming any, anything other than a paycheck for these two actors.
Another like, I won't call it.
I guess you can say worst seen was not really worse. I almost going to say another, we'll call it a worst scene was just, or several scenes would be. Nick Cage's character is just impervious to just explosions. He just survives? Yeah, he just survives. Like, there's a scene where he is being, um, actually trampled against.
And he's in the open field by, I'm assuming, desert people. He's being overrun. Like, he can't take them all. And at this moment, one of the bombs on the leather vest is about to go off. And he's, like, in a rush. And It goes off, blows up. Mind you, how is it that when the dust settles, Nicolas Cage is the only one standing, but everyone else that dog piled him is just destroyed?
Yeah, I have
no idea. I'm like, there, I mean, there's no way. His body should have just been mangled and destroyed at that point. But when you're Nick Cage, bombs don't destroy you. And that's not the first time we see him impervious to, you know, explosions. You know, we see the bomb that blows off his testicle, which essentially he could have been bleeding out to death.
I mean,
it blew it full out. They really got the costume department to like Have a whole freaking testicle
and there's no hole in the costume. Yeah. Like make, have that make sense. Make it make sense. Yeah. Make it make sense. And then the other bomb that goes off, you know, I think it's the arm one. Yeah. I think believe it's the arm.
I think it's the arm. Yeah. That goes off. And his arm is still attached. Like, it's still, it's just dead weight. And you can commend Nick Cage for his acting chops, because at that point, he's like, This is, this is now supposed to be gone, so he's now just acting
with one arm. He's just acting with one arm, similar to, uh, Moonstruck, but to different effects.
And Moonstruck, at least it was funny. And this movie, I can't tell you that this was actually
funny or anything at all. He later, he later chops it off and retrofits it with a Oh my God. A so arm. So yeah, so it this, forgot about that.
This comes, I think I blacked it out too. I think I blacked a lot of things out.
So this does come full circle. We, he pays homage to his character and moonstruck. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. . And I believe it's say
only share with somewhere to come out of nowhere. And, and I believe it's back to the same arm and believe life as a bread maker
probably. It is. Yeah. It's the same arm. It's, it's literally the right arm.
In the movie, like he's literally, he gets blown off, supposedly blown off.
Listen, I get it, you had to make a paycheck in that cage, but there were so many different choices I'm sure. Yeah. Especially with the movies he's been making the past few years. Like doing, um, Pig was a really good one. The, the one where he plays himself, like that one was really good.
There's just, he's been in a lot better movies. I was surprised this was so recent and disappointed that it was so bad. Like, at least if it was the 80s or 90s, I might be able to be like, Well, they couldn't afford all this stuff, but no, they could have this time around. They just didn't. It was just lazy.
It was really lazy. Lazy, lazy, just lazy movie making. It was just not good.
And what it was, someone was like, they just They put a lot of ideas and I've used this reference in other Nick Cage movies like The Knowing where they just, they put a whole bunch of ideas and they picked them out and they were like, Hey, this is the movie And I feel like they've done it they were tryin to do a lot with, they're like we got Nick Cage We let's just use them to the best of our ability and that is that's exactly what they did.
That's exactly what they did. They had Nick Cage and they utilized them to the best of their ability. He was in every scene. I mean, when they weren't on him, they were panning like Nick Cage on screen, like. Was 24 7 he was there. So, they got their money's worth for Nic Cage, And it was just depressing cause he was I feel like it was a fever dream for him.
Yeah. Did she, was she a sex worker? I can't even remember the Goddaughter, like a top sex worker or
something? Uhmm, Mmmm, I don't think so.
Well, I don't know what shepend the grant for the Adopted grandpa wanted her back or whatever I can't friggen. Monica remember
It's all it wasn't explained that she James gone missing
or capture scape She escaped remember she tried to run away.
No she escaped. Yeah, she tried to run away and she did run away but she got stuck or caught by someone else and then he the guy wanted her to get to get tape brought back and Became a whole thing and that at some point Nicholas Cage gets like the outer community to rally against the inner community that has all the power.
Do you remember that? Yeah, it was weird. It's like a weird fight against capitalism and classism in the movie. Which would make more sense if like the outer community was explained but they just kind of popped up there. Yeah, it
was Another weird thing is that they Which wasn't explaining is that they were like some underline thing in my note somewhere that they were stuck And they couldn't leave the ghost lands area which didn't make any sense because Nick Cajor's like up in a walking out and coming back anytime you wanted.
So like when they were saying like, Oh, we're w we can't leave. We were like, we're just permanently stuck here through all time to like do manual labor. And I'm thinking Nick Kager's character, just
he's walked right in there. Yeah. And he was walking right out. Yeah, you're right. I don't remember. And
they're like all the vehicles, cars like, got like, I guess, They had all this stuff like they never was really explained what why they were stuck and yet The moment he showed up they got the gumption He's like, yeah, we're getting out of here and give them the courage and they were like able to leave
Yeah I needed a white man to come along
like they didn't sell or holding themselves back
homeleaving.
They're holding themselves hostage until the perfect white man who with one testicle came along and told them they could be They could be free.
Yeah, so This so the film You know prisoners of ghost island had Not a lot going for
it. Oh, it's the only thing I think why I could even recommend is the poster was really well done Whoever did the the art for this was it was really well done It
looked dead marketing for that was great.
And I think we watched the trailer and we're like,
oh cool Yeah, they did a good job on the trailer because it looked interesting.
They chopped the trailer up. Well, so we watch her like oh cool This is the next movie And then we, that's how we got it. We got
gotcha. We got gotcha. We got got. And to save everyone the trouble of also getting got, just don't do it.
I have to say, even the knowing, test yourself. This movie don't even bother. It'll be like a waste of your time.
Unless you like Nick Cage going a little ham. because going
to a caricature almost
because I will admit, extraordinary yards the but they do have some actions within pivoting you know you've got to reward you at the end summer and that's like pretty much is like mecca's you could tell I, Nick Cage trying to be athletic.
Oh my god, that reminds me. I just remembered there's one part and I don't know why they did this in the beginning. They have them in like these diapers that they're bringing them out when they're, they're, uh, when he's a prisoner and they, they do the image but for Nicolas Cage's character it's from the neck down and it's very clear it's a body double.
Like, this person's body is younger, it's buff and athletic, and it's got, they've got like no hair on their chest, and then it cuts to later, a Nicolas Cage, and you see the top up, and Nicolas Cage has hair on his chest, and I'm like, there's absolutely no way, why did they even bother to do that, why was that necessary, what just happened, like, why it was so clearly obvious, and it was, uh, it was a choice.
I mean, it's obviously too obvious right off the
gate And some bad scenes were clearly the fight scenes Like where they pan out Niklaç Cage would do an action sequence And they would pan out and I can clearly see I think someone else. Yeah,
I think that happened.
It happened a lot. And mind you, the camera work wasn't as great, but I mean they tried and then Nic LaCage was also putting his effort
Yeah, he was definitely putting
his effort.
The camera work wasn't good, so I mean This movie, it's a test that maybe he was just hustling for
a paycheck. I think so. Uh, what would you rate the movie?
I gave this a 2 out of, I think,
5. Wow, you rated it way better than me. I'm giving it a 0.
I, Nick Cage was hustling.
He was hustling, but not enough for me to ever want to remember this movie again.
This
was a hustle movie. It's,
for me, was a 0. Um, the only reason the knowing is worse, I guess, is because That movie made me mad. This movie didn't make me mad. It just just what did not it was just not where it was at. That's pretty much it with that I have to say about that one. I mean, I wish I could give it a nicer rating, but I don't want to You don't want to?
In the words of Phoebe Buffay, I wish I could but I don't want to
I'm being generous. You're being generous. This was a hustle movie I think on on Cage's part
because I would say a two would be would be even Like, Willy's Wonderland would at least be like a 1 compared to, this was not better than
that. I, I gave it, the reason why I gave it a 2 and a half is because.
It's your own choice. One for Nic Cage and the actress who played Bernice like the two recognized people.
There were two that I'm sure there'll be in other things where they do well. This is just not it. Um, and on that note, did you find reviews that you wanted to? Yeah.
So we're going to pivot into our next segment where we're going to.
Read reviews for We scour Letterboxd for people who've also watched the movie and they've given their reviews. And these are going to be user names, uh, who've given them, you know, users who have given their, you know, Glorious either could be, you know one star to four stars, whatever they're feeling you know the movie is and we're gonna pick two and read their reviews on the um, movie so yes, I've actually have to right now, so All right, so my first one is going to be by Popcorn Ideology.
He gave it one star, I mean lower than me. This is just a bad Fallout mod, Nick Cage balls too.
Yeah, that's about right.
Which, I mean, they could have titled that movie that and it would have been perfectly fine.
Yeah, that probably would have, I, I would agree. Yeah. Mine is going to be from McKenna Nalo and they gave it five stars out of five, which I'm shook by, and they said we will never see better cinema than Nick Cage holding up his own testicle.
Which I guess is true. I don't know if I ever need to see that again in my lifetime But I definitely can say I've seen
it now. Yeah, I don't think anyone wants to watch that unless you know He's being paid big bucks for it. It's like a You know, the movie is just a snuff film like that.
Yeah, I guess. I still can't believe that was something that happened.
Anyway, your turn.
My second review is going to be from username Eddie, uh, Mary. Yeah, Mary. Uh, Nicholas Cage employed but at what cost? And the rating they gave was 2. 5. Yeah,
they were on par with you. Employed but at what cost? I keep thinking about how his testicle blew off. but it was hole when they showed his testicle like it didn't blow off in pieces but the bomb was right on top of his testicle so it should have blown up in the movie
That's what I'm saying
like That
doesn't make sense that brings me back to the whole impervious To bombs, like the makeup and the, the special effects.
They were on the same. They weren't on the same level, so they didn't read the script like, okay, we got bombs here. It needs to look legit. And apparently they didn't get the memo, so like blowing up. He's holding his testicle. It's
a whole testicle. Just a whole testicle. Yeah, it's not like Bob was on his testicle, but his whole testicle clean blew off.
Yeah, and I don't think that's even possible.
I've only watched Grey's Anatomy, but I'm pretty sure that's not
possible. Yeah, that, like, if a bomb were to blow up any close near any part of your body. Or any object. Yeah. It's leaving a hole.
Yeah. It doesn't seem like anything would be intact. So that was interesting.
It gives me real vibes of the, the elf movie where the guy, the Walter Hobbs is like, let's push the book out anyway, without the last two pages of the book and everyone says. Well, I'm making a video about a smart cat, what do you mean it ain't gonna work? The killer of capcom, the human with the cat. How long did it take to make?
Well, um, we're doing a movie about the killer and car soldier But it's gonna, I mean, now since Capcom is huge So it's like a renewable investment? And the movie, it's just going to involve the astronomer. And uh, we're making a project, Or they, who also gave it five stars and they put They put Sofia Boutella in this and named her Bernice, uh, Shake My Head, which I agree with.
Why would you name her Bernice?
Who are these people giving it five stars? I'm, these two people. They are
generous. They are so generous. I think they've had a lot of time on their hands since COVID hit. Probably. And you know, and you know, it's just, they, they've got, they, this is their vibe and that's okay.
But it's definitely not my vibe.
Well, that's gonna bring this episode to a close. Now, thank you for joining us on this crazy journey. But do you have any last words? Uh,
just the usual. I lost my hand, I lost my wife, Johnny lost his hand, oh no wait, Johnny has his hand, Johnny has his wife, and then I'm a vampire, I'm
a vampire.
And with that, I will, we will bid you adieu until the next one. I lost my hand. Alright, bye.
He lost his hand in this movie too.
📍 Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Second Emulation, where we explored the latest in pop culture, movies, TV shows, and anime. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app, and leave us a rating and review to help us reach more listeners. And don't forget to follow us on social media for even more pop culture content and to stay up-to-date on all the latest news and releases. As always, we welcome your feedback and suggestions for future episodes. So until next time, keep on Emulating and stay tuned for more exciting content.